my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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