I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Someone came in the potted fern
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
