I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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