i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
