Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
