remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
