Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize