we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
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She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
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So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize