Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize