There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
