yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
When are your genitals available?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.