Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me