i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway