I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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