If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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