he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
