suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
