You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
