We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Houston, we have a squirter
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
