Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I've blown a few things in my day
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize