After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
