The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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