who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
