So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
