ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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