she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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