Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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