It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
