Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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