Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
