i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
