So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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