i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
