I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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