i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
