Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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