so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
