i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We had to coat check the pizza.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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