Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
