My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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