Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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