god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
