don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
