we have pet lesbian snakes
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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