It's Friday. Sex?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
