does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
