Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
her facebook's as public as her vagina
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
