We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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