Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
