my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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