Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
