i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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