when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
