You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
