I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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