i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
