I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
