Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
