Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
