Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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