You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
